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2002-05-06 - 10:20 p.m. Say Hello, Wave Goodbye
Well, it's finally here. After 108 entries (this is the 108th, non-profile readers) and about 11 months of writing as Agent Grrrr, the time has come to move on. At this moment in time, I don't feel like Agent Grrrr. He is another part of me, for sure, but a part of me which doesn't exist right now. He seems archaic, a voice and reasoning from a more downbeat time in my life.
And so I'm moving forward, at least in terms of writing. No longer am I Agent Grrrr but I am now Agent B, no less the man and revealing the initial of my name for the first time online. But what does it stand for? Brian? Brett? Beige, as inital feedback from PB:V2 has sugested so far. I'll leave you to your own conclusions, unless you know for real.
So what have we learnt, you from reading my work and myself from writing it? Hopefully, you would have seen a little of life from my point of view. You now understand how initial traumas from our childhood, however insignificant, can lead to consequences in later life. If you were one of those who bullied and muscled their way through school, you have hopefully seen the result of your actions in me - a bitter and resentful man who trusts few and respects fewer. People like me are everywhere and most people are ignorant of what we are, what we feel inside. We are angry, we are bitter and all we need is an excuse before our fears explode in some catastrophic way. Is it surprising, therefore, to find the majority of social shootings taking place within schools, the place where all this anger and hatred began?
But it hasn't been all bad. You have seen me grow up in ways I never predicted I would. You've seen me recover from a failure at university and a destruction in my self confidence through a very real lack of work. I now have a job. I have the confidence to believe in my fictional writing again, probably also as a result of writing these very pages. I have made so many friends at work that I still sometimes forget who is who (and what op number they use on the till!). But for the first time in many years, I have hope for the future - hope that I can achieve my goals and make the best of what I have.
Sorry - this isn't as clear or as well thought out as I'd planned it because I'm watching the 50 greatest magic tricks. Now I love magic - always have been fascinated by it, whether it's a desire to believe it or a desire to figure out how they did it. I'm a bit disappointed that David Blaine's levitation trick was beaten by bloody David Copperfield. I love David Blaine - a bit pompous perhaps but I think it's a thing with most magicians. I can't figure out anything that he's done, besides the ripping off of the chicken's head. But maybe I'm a dunce who just gets caught up in it all. In fact, that's probably it. Ooh, Graham Norton is on in a minute - followed by Ring! Can it be true? Shame I'm too fucking knackered to watch it!
Anyway, why write like this is the last time you'll ever hear from me. It isn't. I've simply moved address and you know where to find me because I've told you at least twice. If you want to continue reading about me (although somebody please tell me why you would!), you can find me at...
agent-b.diaryland.com
See you there and thanks very much!
Agent B, dragging out the corpse of Agent Grrrr by his ankles.
<<<---The previous entry The next one--->>>
2002-05-06 - 10:20 p.m. Say Hello, Wave Goodbye
Well, it's finally here. After 108 entries (this is the 108th, non-profile readers) and about 11 months of writing as Agent Grrrr, the time has come to move on. At this moment in time, I don't feel like Agent Grrrr. He is another part of me, for sure, but a part of me which doesn't exist right now. He seems archaic, a voice and reasoning from a more downbeat time in my life.
And so I'm moving forward, at least in terms of writing. No longer am I Agent Grrrr but I am now Agent B, no less the man and revealing the initial of my name for the first time online. But what does it stand for? Brian? Brett? Beige, as inital feedback from PB:V2 has sugested so far. I'll leave you to your own conclusions, unless you know for real.
So what have we learnt, you from reading my work and myself from writing it? Hopefully, you would have seen a little of life from my point of view. You now understand how initial traumas from our childhood, however insignificant, can lead to consequences in later life. If you were one of those who bullied and muscled their way through school, you have hopefully seen the result of your actions in me - a bitter and resentful man who trusts few and respects fewer. People like me are everywhere and most people are ignorant of what we are, what we feel inside. We are angry, we are bitter and all we need is an excuse before our fears explode in some catastrophic way. Is it surprising, therefore, to find the majority of social shootings taking place within schools, the place where all this anger and hatred began?
But it hasn't been all bad. You have seen me grow up in ways I never predicted I would. You've seen me recover from a failure at university and a destruction in my self confidence through a very real lack of work. I now have a job. I have the confidence to believe in my fictional writing again, probably also as a result of writing these very pages. I have made so many friends at work that I still sometimes forget who is who (and what op number they use on the till!). But for the first time in many years, I have hope for the future - hope that I can achieve my goals and make the best of what I have.
Sorry - this isn't as clear or as well thought out as I'd planned it because I'm watching the 50 greatest magic tricks. Now I love magic - always have been fascinated by it, whether it's a desire to believe it or a desire to figure out how they did it. I'm a bit disappointed that David Blaine's levitation trick was beaten by bloody David Copperfield. I love David Blaine - a bit pompous perhaps but I think it's a thing with most magicians. I can't figure out anything that he's done, besides the ripping off of the chicken's head. But maybe I'm a dunce who just gets caught up in it all. In fact, that's probably it. Ooh, Graham Norton is on in a minute - followed by Ring! Can it be true? Shame I'm too fucking knackered to watch it!
Anyway, why write like this is the last time you'll ever hear from me. It isn't. I've simply moved address and you know where to find me because I've told you at least twice. If you want to continue reading about me (although somebody please tell me why you would!), you can find me at...
agent-b.diaryland.com
See you there and thanks very much!
Agent B, dragging out the corpse of Agent Grrrr by his ankles.
